i almost forgive you

So a lot of people probably know this, but my car was broken into recently. Some ass threw a giant rock through my window and stole my money, credit cards, coach wristlet, change, etc. Like many stupid thieves, they left the television, laptop, fancy bike parts and other things in my car actually of any value as stolen goods (my credit cards were canceled immediately, it was only 50 bucks, who cares about my coach wristlet, really).

Oh yeah, the fat foul? They stole my cookies. They left the packaging, the saran-wrapped plate I had them on, but I never saw another crumb of those delicious delights. I can only picture the thief or thieves, stuffing eighteen frosted white cookies into their shirt pockets, or simply eating them while rifling (poorly) through my stuff.

i got stuck in a tire swing.
k bye.

I was just stabbed my something in the loveseat that I spend the majority of my time in at home.
I was stabbed by a fork.
I do not know how long said fork has been wedged in the chair.

Taco Bell Ritual.

Just, so you know I wake up with a chicken quesadilla mostly eaten laying in my bed or on my floor. At least once every or every other week. I black out and wake up with it just sitting there.



Also I always finish eating it the next day.

stop forgetting everything

RECENTLY, as a part of any healthy hangover, I woke up and immediately checked around to see if I had done anything incredibly stupid before passing out with my sandals still on the night before.

I found what LOOKED like a 2lb bag of sam's club brand asian chex mix in the trash, and I thought to myself "Oh thank god! Fat foul averted. I threw it away so I wouldn't eat it."

Asian chex mix is my name for that mixture of wasabi peas, rice sticks, soy squares etc you can buy. it looks disgusting/like packing material, is too salty, and was free, but that's not the point.

Apparently there were nuts in this 2 lb bag of asian kibbles. Apparently I sat and ate every single peanut, almond and cashew out of the entire bag, because there isn't a single one in the trash. I vaguely remember thinking this was okay. There is salt everywhere.

CURLS O' CHEESE

If this isn't a fat foul in & of itself, I don't know what is.

Jen & I hosted a cookout at our apartment last night and everyone brought food to share. Tijana, Jen's best friend, brought a gargantuan tub of cheese curls - which I don't think I've consumed since 1995, and for good reason. I looked at the nutrition facts and the serving size referred to the amount of "curls" .. über fatty. As Tijana prepared to make her exit, I yelled, "WAIT! DON'T FORGET YOUR CHEESE CURLS!" She refused to take them because, "my mom made me take these because she doesn't like (her grandchildren) eating them - they're too messy. She told me not to bring them back."

GREAT.

Just a little bit of cheese

So this is short and sweet and happened earlier today. I had bought package of those individual cheese slices of mozzarella. So I ate one piece earlier and I was thinking about how hungry I was. So, I got another. Then another. So, pretty soon after that I brought them all in my room and while laying on my bed I ate the entire fucking package! I was doing shit on my laptop not looking at my cheese and it is empty. I ate it in about twenty minutes... a big thing of cheese. WTF.